Approach anxiety: the enemy of all free guys and the enemy of the game. All men have it, but few overcome and tame it. Approach anxiety is a fear, a phobia, something that can not be eliminated, however with proper handling and some tweaking of your mindset, can be controlled.
There are silly remedies and lots of philosophies to deal with approach anxiety. Self Hypnosis? Positive thinking? hundreds and months of cold approaches? Count to three and play question games in your head? Hypnotherapy? Magic ? Come on… There are no simple fixes nor is there any one proven technique to manage this enemy of mankind. It is difficult to acknowledge but there is really only one method to overcome approach anxiety. That is to alter your frame of thinking and mindset.
Forget everything you ever read and heard. They’re all complicated nonsense. Below are the only things you need to know to handle approach anxiety.
1) Approach anxiety is an illusion created by you
Beautiful women do not make you anxious, you make yourself anxious. Women do not by themselves give off some gamma ray that makes you feel nauseous, woozy, stressed, and dumbstruck. Your inner collection of fears and phobias makes a negative social frame in your mind that when summed up, makes you jello at the thought of approaching an attractive girl.
2) The volume of anxiety you experience doing anything in life is determined by your understanding of your ability and the challenge of the task.
Mihayli Csikszentmihalyi coined the term Flow to describe his scientific investigation of “being in state” or “being in the zone.” Being in Flow, state, or the zone just simply is having the perceived level of ability in a task equal to the perceived level of difficulty. When you get this challenge / ability balance, you experience flow / state, whereas an imbalance in challenge and skill results in a different experience. When skill surpasses challenge, you get bored. When difficulty surpasses ability, you get anxiety.
3) To conquer your approach anxiety, you need to alter your understanding of ability or your perception of the challenge.
You would be in Flow every time you approached a woman if your perceived skill level matched your perceived difficulty level for seducing a woman. If you’re experiencing approach anxiety, it is since your perceived difficulty level is greater than your perceived skill. So it stands to reason that if you wish to get rid of approach anxiety, you require to change either the perceived difficulty level or your perceived ability level.
4) Trying to alter your skill level to conquer approach anxiety is a flawed method.
You would think that the easiest part to change in this equation is your perceived skill level. You go out and attempt to improve your skill level by practicing techniques and methods on girl after girl. This is a flawed approach to conquer approach anxiety if you rely on other people’s responses to change your perception of your current skill level then it might work once, twice, or even a few times, however what happens when it doesn’t? What exactly happens when some girl doesn’t wish to talk to you? Then you’re right back at square one again- massive approach anxiety since you perceive your skill to be less than the perceived difficulty level.
5) To overcome approach anxiety, you must change the perceived challenge.
The challenge level you face in any task is determined by the purpose you have for the interaction. If you’re experiencing anxiety then it’s clear you’re attempting to do something that is beyond your perceived skill range- like trying to make her attracted to you.
On the other hand, if you alter your purpose to something attainable, then the perceived difficulty will drop and so will the anxiety. If you change your purpose to: “just have an enjoyable chat,” then the perceived difficulty will be well within your perceived ability .
That’s all!
All you need to do is change the frame of your mindset from the incredibly stressful “I’m gonna make her attracted to me” to the innocuous “I’m just gonna have a friendly talk with her.” This doesn’t put any expectation on yourself and therefore no fear of rejection since you’re not expecting anything from yourself or the Hot woman.
You’ll never overcome the opening phase if you do not overcome approach anxiety. Without the opening, you cannot reach the next phase of seduction or the end, right? But once again, you can read about theory and how-to’s all day till Sunday but absolutely nothing will happen if you don’t go out, apply, and practice! So get out there and have lots of friendly, interesting conversations with pretty women…
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