If Your Perceptions Differ From Your Client’s, Clarify Or Defuse Them Fast

Perception can be everything. It causes problems in relationships because two people or two organizations perceive things in very different ways. You and I may look at a Van Gogh painting and each have a slightly different perspective. We may agree on the main points but there are areas of disagreement. Those differences rarely lead to major misunderstandings. Differences in perception between vendor and client, on the other hand, can make for very awkward situations.
One business proposal I was involved with, probably went sideways because of a misperception on my part. The client had asked for a proposal for an upcoming sales meeting. At the briefing, the client stressed that their major concern was customer service. They wanted to provide salespeople with additional training on customer service issues, as identified by the salespeople themselves. If you want to uncover those concerns, the obvious answer is to ask the salespeople and some of their customers. Thinking that we had been given permission, I proceeded to call a small sample of salespeople and customers. Our team used the feedback to develop an excellent program for the sales meeting. We presented it to the client when our proposal was short-listed.
Some client senior management were shocked at the steps we had taken. From our perspective, we did the research necessary to come up with a solid, workable proposal. They saw our actions as breaching customer and staff confidentiality. How do you deal with two completely different perceptions? In this particular case it was too late to do anything. Had we realized that perceptions were so different, we would have gone back to the client to make sure they agreed with our tactics.
It’s important to clear up this kind of situation as soon as possible, otherwise it festers, or wrecks the client relationship. Sometimes, you simply have to agree to disagree. The real question is how do you proceed? The very best answer is face to face, even if it’s uncomfortable, which it often is. The approaches to avoid are doing the one-sided conversations like e-mail, text messaging and social media like Facebook. Videoconferencing and picking up the phone at least allow you to have a conversation, so you may be able to resolve differences in this way. Face to face is better.
How do you approach it? First, you check with the other party to make sure they are willing to meet, acknowledging you’d like to resolve, or at least clarify a situation. Next, write out your own perceptions so that when you speak with the other party, you are clear on what those are. When you get to the meeting, listen. Find out what the other party’s perceptions are, and how they differ from your own. Here are two very important points to consider:
1. Stay neutral
You don’t want to come across as the heavy, that you’re right. You want the situation defused so that you can come to some common ground on the issues, the differences, and see if there’s a pathway forward.
2. Don’t blame
The first thing many of us do is blame the other party for the situation. That’s particularly easy to do with e-mail or on Facebook. That often upsets the other party, leading to more blame. If you must use these media, at least stay neutral, set out your position, and avoid pointing fingers.
Different perceptions can cause so many relationship challenges between a vendor and a client. Most can be resolved between willing parties, especially if dealt with face to face. The one thing that must not happen is to allow these potentially difficult situations to fester. They need to be cleared up as soon as possible.