Copywriting Tips – Letterman’s Top 10

If David Letterman did a top 10 list for copywriters, it would probably read something like what you’re about to read. While Letterman’s top 10 is meant to be very funny, this list is anything but funny. As a matter of fact, this top 10 list is dead serious. So please make sure you have it memorized. Failure to do so could result in lousy salescopy and lost revenue.
Letterman Tip Number 10 – Make sure that you include a PS at the end of your sales letter reminding people of what they just read in the 40 something pages before because your darn letter is so long nobody in their right mind could possibly remember it all.
Number 9 – Don’t put “buy now” buttons on your sales page. It reminds people that they are spending money and people don’t like to spend money unless they’re either going out on a date with a super model or planning on a quiet getaway at some island that nobody has ever heard of. This usually to escape their bookie. Replace “buy now” buttons with “download now” links.
Number 8 – Don’t give people stupid bullet points filled with features of your product. Nobody cares that it can do handstands and dance the Tarantella. All they care about is what it can do for them to make their miserable life a little better.
Number 7 – Don’t have your grandmother design your sales page header for you unless she’s had experience with Harrison Ford or The Monkees. Okay, I didn’t really understand that one either. Point is, only have a professional design your graphical header.
Number 6 – Don’t tell people they can order below when they get to the end of your sales page. Unless they were born under a rock they know they can order below. You have to tell them under no uncertain terms, “Hey, if you don’t get this you’re an idiot!”
Number 5 – Don’t offer wimpy guarantees that my dead aunt wouldn’t be caught dead offering. That’s of course if she wasn’t already dead to begin with. Make your guarantee stand out from the crowd. Yes, even the dead crowd. Call George Romero if you need help.
Number 4 – Don’t put stupid pictures of your dog or ex girlfriend on your sales page. Make sure you use an action photo, and no, not the one of you eating pizza with George Bush.
Number 3 – Don’t use meaningless exclamations after your subheads. “I Slammed My Pinky In The Car Door” is not something to get all excited about unless you’re auditioning for a part in the movie “The 9 Evil Fingers Of Dr. Orloff.”
Number 2 – When you tell your story of how you went from zero to a half billion in 30 days, don’t borrow it from Al Capone, Lucky Luciano or John Gotti.
Number 1 – When creating the headline for your sales letter, stay away from any words that might get you into trouble with the IRS, the FBI, the CIA or Clickbank. Not necessarily in that order.

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